Are you happy? Wow, that’s a loaded question, isn’t it? Of course I’m happy. But we’ve had some hard times that made us feel like life was a big struggle. Regardless we kept our heads up, but are we really happy?
If im being honest, I feel like on a scale of 1-10 , 10 being the happiest, I am a solid 7.
That means there IS room to grow.
The thing is, I should be a 10.
I am privileged. I have a roof over my head in a cute house that has everything I need. It’s not the nicest, or the biggest, but it is mine and I am grateful for this home. However, I could be more grateful. I could take care of her better. Clean more, organize more, landscape more. I think it would be a happier home if I did these finishing touches that have been pushed to the wayside for a decade.
I am privileged that I am married to a wonderful man, and we share a smart kind healthy son. My husband has a great job, I’m a stay at home mom with a masters degree. We have a small savings account. We have debt but we are paying on that. We have families that love us. We have 2 dogs that adore us. We have a retirement savings. Compared to so many, we have it all.
I am privileged in that when I was deathly ill I had access to the greatest health care facility in the modern age and they saved my life, along with the prayers of my family, friends, and strangers all across the world. I have an entirely new lease on life. A new perspective. I get a second chance that so many others do not get.
Then why do I struggle with finding peace in my day?
Why do I struggle to clean, cook, and get out of bed sometimes?
Why am I fatigued?
Why am I snippy with my husband over small things?
Why am I hard on my son over things I would struggle with myself?
I definitely have resting bitch face, I’m not worried about what others think of it, I just don’t want my face to get stuck that way.
For the record, I suffer from major depressive disorder. Serious shit has gone down. It’s taken me into a dark hole that has led to questionable and at times unhealthy decisions. But, I decided to grow up. It was a decision. I decided to explore the grand idea that the opposite of depression is not happiness. Medically the opposite of depression is likely something like mania, but for me, the opposite of my depression is vitality, energy.
I believe if I want to navigate this world of happiness at a level of the 10 I should be, there are steps I need to take. Happiness looks different for each of us. So I have to define what my happiness looks like.
Before I do this, I need to give credit where credit is due.
This summer I had the pleasure of meeting the most wonderful women in my city. No exaggeration. They are kind and welcoming. My son’s swim team includes over 90 kids and the social butterfly I am was in heaven with the parents of the littles on the team. They gave me a new and positive perspective of the town I’ve struggled to live in for the past 10 years. These women value family, education, their friendships, their families, and being the best parents I’ve ever seen; and they were all aware of their privilege. They were humanitarians and I felt like I was with MY people.
We discussed many things over the mornings this summer, but one thing I picked up on was the book “The Happiness Project”, by Gretchen Rubin. It really all started with her ideas of the 4 personality tendencies which I will get at in another blog post.
As soon as someone said, “The Happiness Project” I immediately thought I need my own happiness project. And here we are. As I read each section of her book, I am going to try to spend the next year exploring my own happiness project.
What is my happiness?
My happiness is finding joy and pleasure in things, especially the mundane. Finding peace. Most importantly my happiness is based on my ability to be thankful and find gratitude for my entire world around me. My happiness is the health of myself and my family. My happiness is having outer order and inner peace. My happiness is seeing the positive aspect and lesson in everything. My happiness if feeling good about myself physically and mentally. My happiness is being thoughtful and empathetic to those around me. My happiness is having the confidence to be myself.
Why is it important?
What the big deal about finding my own happiness?
Haven’t philosophers sought the meaning and usefulness of happiness since the beginning of time?
Because we all deserve happiness.
When Americans are asked what they want for their kids the overwhelming answer is for their children to be happy.
Or the real question should be, “why is it not important?”
How can we be productive at work without some level of content? How can we function within a healthy marriage if we aren’t happy? How can we be the best parent to our children, if we aren’t happy first. The truth is, we can’t
In order to keep my resolutions to be happier, I have come up with my own 14 commandments.
“Commandments are probably best in groups of ten.” – Moses.
Just kidding, he did not say that.
My commandments to keeping my resolutions:
- Do it now
- Be honest with myself
- Seek peace
- Be myself
- Let that shit go
- Act how I wanna feel
- Be kind
- Choose myself
- Communicate
- Listen
- Find solutions
- Listen to music
- Drink water
- When in doubt, make a list
I wanted 14 commandments because I thought of 14, which feels like fate because 14 is my all time favorite lucky number. Which will be included in a different blog post.
What will I do…
Each month I will focus on a different topic in order to find happiness within, and each topic will include resolutions to achieve happiness in those categories. Wow, I sound like a psychopath. Lets not forget I have a masters in special education and our entire job is keeping to a goal by concrete, measurable, structured activities that include some sort of accountability and hopefully some natural positive reinforcement.
I decided the topics of focus outlined by Gretchen Rubin are the same topics I need to focus on. These topics are taken from her project. I may put them in a different order depending on the natural order of my progress, but here they are:
Monthly focus to finding happiness:
- Vitality/energy
- Marriage
- Work
- Parenthood
- Friendship
- Money
- Leisure
- Mindfulness
- Eternity
- Passion
- Attitude
- Happiness
My first will focus on my road to energy and vitality. Stay tuned.
Thanks for reading
With Love, Amanda