Why it’s okay to put up your Christmas tree early

…and other reasons to do whatever you want 

One day last December I remember standing in line at the grocery store. The typical greetings and Christmas cheer were exchanged between the cashiers and the customers as expected. Decor lined the numbers designated at each register; poinsettias, garland, holiday magazines, advent calendars, all the typical adornments were abundant. It was almost my turn at the register. The patron ahead of me said brightly to the cashier “happy holidays!” The cashier’s eyes welled up. “Not for me,” sadly she responded. My eyes widened. She said “I lost my mom at Christmas, this holiday is hard.” I was taken aback. Not the typical answer but not wrong to say. I could identify. I liked her honesty. Probably not the best place to open up to strangers, but sometimes those feelings are so overwhelming, how does one not speak their pain. The customer said he was “sorry to hear that.” We all were. The customer did not dwell. He signed for his purchase , grabbed his bag, and did not engage any longer. 

The world stops for no one. 

Then it was my turn. I could not not say something. I regularly feel the urge to make those around me comfortable in any way I can accomplish that. I wanted to turn this moment into something else entirely.

“Do something she would like. Do something she would do. Make the cookies she would make, go to church like she is there with you, wear her jewelry, go to her favorite restaurant, make a favorite meal, have breakfast for dinner, put up your Christmas tree early. Do something she would do. She is not gone, she is immortal in the ways you keep her alive.”

I am such a weirdo. Tony tells me all the time to mind my own business. And I do try to practice that. But I couldn’t help but feel the need to say something to this woman. She was hurting and I needed her to see she was not alone, and there are ways we can go about harnessing this pain into love, tradition, and utilizing the strength in empathetic company.  

November 2013 was a tough one. Perhaps the most challenging month of my life so far at that time. It was mom’s final month. No one knew if she would make it to Thanksgiving. Ironic the holiday surrounded by consuming copious amounts of food was the last holiday she was alive for. She laid in the bedroom just off the kitchen starving to death. Her tumors constricting her body from absorbing nutrients, she spent that Thanksgiving month withering away.  

It was bizarre with her actively dying and being so young at the same time. The day she died she sat up and gave Enzo a kiss. She seemed disoriented and barely opened her eyes, but the last of her energy was passing her love to him. I like to think that was a kiss for all her grandchildren who were to come after she passed. 

When hospice came in and we realized time was dwindling away quickly but no one knew how long it would truly take, our first thought was … we need to put up the Christmas tree!

Her last rights were read right in front of the christmas tree. The lights are soft. The glow is flattering on everyone. The lights representing the star that led the way. The manger scene showing our faith, our story. Ornaments placed on the tree each year since her childhood. We added ornaments each year, maybe more bows, maybe change the color schemes, but the tradition of the Christmas tree is part of who we are. It’s our culture. Tradition, it’s what we pass down to our little ones. Magic. Belief. Hope. Joy. Love. All these things are rampant at Christmas time, and the tree is the symbol for all of that. Also, my family is german and we pretty much invented the christmas tree. So, you’re welcome.  

Now I want to take you back the the grocery store exchange at the beginning of this post. When she handed me my change, I threw it in my wallet, gave her a teary eyed smile, and said out loud “hang in there.” When I got home I opened my wallet to take out the change and put it in my change bucket. Of course, as my mom would have it, that cashier gave me a quarter made in 1967. Mom was with me in that moment. She told me so in the form of a quarter with her birth year. 

Put up your Christmas tree at whatever time of year you need to. You’ve got your reasons and those reasons are yours alone. Who cares what everyone else thinks, if that’s what it takes to get you through the holidays, do it. Enjoy it, let those lights and stars and 46 ½ year old ornaments glow with love.