HBO has had some great shows, and no, I am not here to talk Game of Thrones, but if anyone wants to throw down Thrones talk, you let me know. Valar Morghulis. Let me add that I recognize The Wire is in the top 3 greatest shows of all time. But there is one show that is near and dear to my heart I must rank higher. The Sopranos.
Who here has seen this ‘90s and early aughts masterpiece?
My friend recently said to me, “Would Walter White exist at the level he is without Anthony Soprano first?” They are the iconic anti-heroes that made for the greatest small screen cinematic drama of their decades.
Maybe I am giving The Sopranos too much credit here. If you remove the organized crime, they nailed the culture I’ve assimilated to, right on the pruiscutto. I have proudly married into an Italian culture straight out of the silver screen. Between my German heritage and my husband’s Italian heritage we have a very passionate household to say the least. But more than passion, there is family. Family is valued among all else in my family and that is what we have in common with these anti-heroes. Everything Anthony Soprano does is for the greater good of his family. This is not my personal justification for his actions, this is just a fictional show, but its family nonetheless. My favorite part of the show are Tony Soprano’s sessions with his psychiatrist. They’re insightful, she is professional, the changes he seeks are not too different from the ways in which I need to seek my own changes and positive approaches to mental health. He is taking a huge risk and going against his strong persona by seeking therapy. Anxiety attacks on the golf course do not exactly scream strength in a person. Thats no look for a boss. Believe me when I say, he takes care if it. But what I actually mean by that is, he goes to therapy.
This is what Tony Soprano and I have in common: we make the best of therapy.
Here are 9 ways to make therapy a success:
- Have a plan. No idea what your plan should be? Then think to yourself “what in my life do I want to change?” Therapy is about change. Big picture plans AND plans per session. This means a larger picture of changes you want to make in your life. What do you want your life to look like a year from now that is different? Also needed is a smaller plan. I mean by that for you to 1-3 points or topics you want to address at each session. I always have out the notes section of my cell to guide my thoughts with a few different topics.
- Be picky. If you get bad vibes, if you don’t like where things are headed you do not have to continue to pursue seeing that tharapist. You could even ask your counselor for a different counselor. It needs to be a good match. For instance, I knew mine was good for me for a few reasons that were all apparent from the first visit. Her earrings were dangly, cute, full of character, her outfit was comfortable but completely professional. She had great style and that appealed to me, but it wasn’t stuffy either. She is approachable, kind, but serious. She just got me, right then, she understood me. She was not my first therapist. I had another, I did not like her. She wasn’t helpful. She could not remember details of my life that were important. I just wasn’t feeling it, so I found another.
- Be specific about the changes in your life you want to make. Example 1: I need to learn to communicate more effectively with my boss, or coworker, or cousin, or aunt or in law or whoever. I have literally done mock conversations and role play scenarios with my therapist to navigate conversations. Example 2: I need to find ways to ground myself when I am affected by my PTSD. I get stuck in mental delirium or bad modes of depression. I have a plan to snap myself out of it and preoccupy myself until these tough spots pass because of strategies discussed with my therapist. Example 3: I’ve asked my therapist to look at options of wall tiles for my bathroom redo. She’s objective. She’s smart. She’s funny. She’s kind. She has good taste. And, I pay her so she is there to do a job.
- Jump right in. Sure, give background at first, but it is okay to jump in as if they know more than they do. You can fill in details as you go. The point here is to address your issues head on and right away. They will catch on quickly.
- Have an open mind. Your therapist will listen to you, no doubt about that, but he or she is going to challenge you. Be open minded to this challenge. I walked out of almost every session having been asked questions I did not expect but helped me pivot my point of view into a more positive mind set. Her questions are hard, and thought provoking but lead me down a path of empathy, reflection, and most importantly forgiveness.
- Keep Expectations Low. Do not expect them to ask tons of questions, or tell you what to discuss. He or she will say your session is what you make of it. You may not be able to address everything in one session, on the other hand, sometimes you can address 3 different problems in one session. It just depends on why you’re there, and everyone is there for something different.
- Give yourself homework, or a type of goal at the end of each session. This refers back to staying with your plan, and carrying out things you practice in therapy generalizing that into real life.
- Make your next appointment before you leave the office. It’s like nursing pain, stay ahead of it. It’s all part of keeping to your plan.
- Be patient with yourself. After a session I might have an array of feelings but mostly I’m tired. It takes hard work. The benefits may take a long time and many sessions. Be patient with yourself but DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF.
Take care of yourself; mind, body, and soul.
Thank you for reading.
Love,
Amanda